literature

SwedenxBullied!Reader: I'm not pretty

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SailorSun1998's avatar
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Literature Text

"Leave me alone!" you yelled at your bullies. You'd been dealing with bullies since kindergarten, and you made yourself numb to the pain. "L'v' h'r 'l'n'." It was your best friend, Berwald. The girls were intimidated by the tall Swede, and left immediately. "Thanks, Berwald." He gave a small nod. "(Name), 't's n' pr'bl'm." Some more of your friends walked up, a girl named Natalia, and her brother, Ivan. (I've toned down Belarus a bit for this story) "Privyet, (Name)! How are you?" "oh, hi Ivan. Hi Natalia. I'm... Peachy." They were also anime and manga nerds, just like you. (if you know about hetalia, and are a fan of it, then I consider you a fellow nerd.) "(name), they were picking on you again, weren't they?" You nodded. "yeah, but I'm fine. It doesn't bother me anymore." 
The bell rang, signifying the start of the school day.

~le timeskip to after school because I'm a lazy writer~ 

"(Name), seriously, why do you even show up to school in those clothes? You couldn't dress nice to save your life!" You ran all the way home. Berwald lived next door, and he saw you sobbing. "(name), 'r' y' 'k?!?" He pounded on your door, genuinely concerned for you. "L-Leave me alone!" you yelled from inside the house, still crying. Berwald came in anyway, scared for you. "Wh't h'pp'n'd, (name)? T'll m'." 

"They were right, they were always right...I'm not pretty, I'm useless, I can't do anything right." Berwald hugged you comfortingly. "Y're r'ght, (name). Y' 'r'n't pretty. Y'u 're v'ck'r. B't'f'l." You sobbed into his cobalt blue overcoat. "Y-You really believe that?" He nodded. "Ja. I do." "Thank you, Berwald. I don't know what I'd do without you." 
© 2013 - 2024 SailorSun1998
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zutarafan4evea's avatar
:star::star::star-half::star-empty::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty: Impact

The plot idea is a good one. Common? Yes, but can be unique if done correctly. The story seemed a little rushed. I would to have liked to see more imagery. If you break up the dialogue when people are talking it gives the reader a break while reading. It does get confusing seeing the whole dialogue in the same paragraph when I think it should be broken up. Instead of using Sweden's dialect I would to have used actual words. It's kind of hard to read it like that. I would to have liked to have seen more information on the relationship between Sweden and "reader". Just remember that there is always room for improvement.